Grindr isn't really a great marriage partner.
“Are you still living an alternative lifestyle?”
That was the baffling question I was asked during a recent, routine doctor’s visit. It was a sincere topical inquiry that came up as part of my yearly physical exam. There wasn’t a glimmer of hostility in the voice of my doctor; she is a caring, adept physician. Now and then, the most caring of people are in need of a little enlightenment, though. For the record, while I am gay, there’s nothing alternative about that particular part of my lifestyle. Just like heterosexual folks, my sexual orientation isn’t something that’s going to change.
This incident got me thinking about what IS an alternative lifestyle, though. It seems to me that for people who are gay, the alternative is to live a lifestyle built on lies. Sadly, this still happens today. It’s a lifestyle that begins when someone with feelings of same sex attraction can’t muster up the courage to accept some of the side effects of honesty. The fear of rejection by others sometimes overpowers truth that is intrinsic. Few people want to live life alone. For those who can’t accept their own truth, others are unknowingly drawn into a fake reality.
Brides waltz down the aisle unaware that their groom is checking out the best man. Husbands are bewildered when their brawny guns can’t satisfy their wives. Children are conceived with hopes that their joyful arrival will fix all of the problems. Happiness becomes secondary to keeping up appearances. Often times, homoerotic desires are acted out with clandestine encounters. Double lives become the norm. Secrets eventually get discovered, though. Innocent lives get ruined. It’s this perversion of authenticity that is the true alternative lifestyle.
We in Kansas pride ourselves on being sincere people. Indeed, honesty and morality are among the strongest of Kansas values. Some with certain religious beliefs may believe that homosexuality is incompatible with morality, though. I would reference them to the Ten Commandments. Not telling lies is a very clear directive from up above. Inherent in that is not lying to yourself. People who are gay didn’t choose their sexual orientation, and they can’t change it. They can only change what they do with it. The choice is to be yourself or bring other people down with your own uncomfortability. If you don’t believe me, go ask a woman who was once married to a gay man. I’m sure she’ll give you an earful about what a real alternative lifestyle is like!
To answer my doctor’s question, I never did live an alternative lifestyle. For me, living an honest life has always been more important than living a socially accepted life. Kansans are quite keen on spotting fakeness. Sometimes the secrets we think we’re hiding so well are actually being worn on our sleeves. The only alternative we have is to be ourselves!
Homo on the Range 